Love is the slowest form of suicide
by PrettyLittleLiars214
Summary: TRIGGERING! INVOLVES SELF HARM AND BULIMIA! Aria Montgomery is just like everyother normal 18 year old who had a bumpy past. But when she was 15 she had some issues. WHat is she realsped. and no one could convivce her to stop not even the love of her life Ezra Fitz. Can she survive or will her life leave her all to quickly? Rated M not for sex but for triggering behavoirs...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: TRIGGERING! SELF HARM, AND BULIMIA IS INVOLVED IN THIS STORY!**

**K, now that I got that out of the way the story will be written in arias pov if its Ezra's it would be the whole chapter. Same with Arias. I'm sorry if some chapters are short but let's get this depressed party started!**

"I can't believe I'm back to square one…" I groaned sadly to myself. I looked in the toilet and saw the vomit. The hate that filled me a few minutes ago turned to regret and shame now that I relapsed. If Ezra ever finds out I relapsed he'd kill me! I told Ezra about my past with Bulimia and Self Harm. He was in tears when I finished.

_**FLASHBACK!**_

"_Ezra…" I said sheepishly. "I need to tell you something." I said tears forming in my eyes._

"_Aria? What is it?" He asked scared._

"_Promise you won't leave me?" I asked nervously._

"_Aria nothing could ever make me leave you!" He said in shock._

"_Well when I was 13 I-I…" I said stuttering._

"_You what baby?" HE asked._

"_I self-self harmed and I was bulimic…" I said ashamed._

"_Aria." He said in a sadden voice. "Why?" He asked._

"_Because I hated me. I hated every part of me. I believed I was unloved and stupid. I was called a whore because I was rapped. I constantly was changing me trying to make other people happy. But I never was. When I told my parents they broke out into tears. I told them who I wanted to kill myself cause I wasn't worth it. They sent me to Radley because they thought I was actually going to go through with my plans." I said emotionless. I felt like I was in one of those movies where the person just sat there no emotion on their face or in their voice. It sorta scared me._

"_Aria." I looked over at Ezra and he had tears in his eyes. "I would never leave you." He said. With that I pulled up my sleeves where gashes and burns had once covered my arms. But now I'm left permanently with these scars. I looked away from my arms suddenly finding the floor more interesting. But then I felt a pair of lips kiss up each of my arms. I looked over to see Ezra kissing each one. _

"_Your still beautiful with these. Nothing can ever make you less beautiful. I don't ever want to lose my best friend, my love, my girlfriend, my soul mate." With that I kissed him passionately things quickly started getting heated. "Are you sure?" He asked._

"_Yes." I replied. HE picked me up and carried me off to the bed. He not only was he my __**first **__but he was also my first love._

I was pressed up against the cold bathtub tile crying. Why had I just done that. I'm an idiot. I'm stupid. I'm unlovable. Ezra doesn't actually love me. He only says he does. I walked over to my desk about to do the unthinkable. I take a pencil sharpener and take the blade out. I walk back into my bathroom and sit on the floor. I put my wrist on my leg. I take the small yet sharp object and press it hard against my scar less arm. All of my scars had faded since I started to use scar cream. But I slowly dragged the blade across my clean arm. I looked at it as the blood came oozing out. "Hello friend. Good to see you again." I said with an evil sinister smirk.

**SHORT CHAPTER BUT WHATEVER SHOULD I CONTINUE?**


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey babe." Ezra said when he answered the phone.

"Hey can I come over?" I say in a calm voice.

"Yeah sure. " He said. I could tell he was smiling.

"Okay see you in 5.L Love you."

"Love you too."

I needed someone to keep me distracted before I cut or binge then purge again. I haven't done it in a week. But my wounds still haven't healed. So I'm scared Ezra will see or feel them. I put on a baggy sweat shirt, sweatpants no makeup and put my hair up in a messy bun. Then I got in my car and left. When I got there my nerves were everywhere. I was nervous, scared, happy, upset, depressed. But hopefully he won't notice. I reached his apartment door and before I could knock he opened his door and grabbed my wrist (thank god not the one with cuts on it.) and spun me into a hug and dipped me down and kissed me on the lips. As were laughing through the kiss.

"What was that for?" I asked still laughing and heart still pounding.

"Just because I love you and your gorgeous even without makeup." He smiled. "Do you want some tea?"

"Yeah. Sure" Green Tea does help you lose weight right? All well. 5 minutes later Ezra brought me tea and sat down while I snuggled into his side.

"How are you this week babe?" He asked. Ever since I told him exactly 7 months ago he asked me every time I came over if I was okay. It was nice to know someone can pretend to care.

"Okay?" I said more in a question. I got scared because of the way I said could make him worry.

"Okay? What does that mean? Aria you can tell me anything. I won't be mad. I just want to help." He said.

"I'm fine. Really Ezra. I said while kissing him lightly on the lips. He took my wrist and pressed on it. The one with cuts. Not knowing what lied underneath. I winced. Ezra noticed.

"Aria?" He asked. "Lift up your sleeve." He said.

"No." I said bluntly.

"Aria. NOW!" Ezra yelled.

"YOU CANT MAKE ME!" I screamed tears running down my face.

"ARIA!" He yelled a little louder.

"Ezra please don't make me." I cried.

"Aria please." He said almost starting to cry.

"You don't have to act like you care. I know you don't. I know your only staying with me cause you feel bad for me." I said calmly.

"Is that what you think?" He replied.

"It's not what I think it's what I know."

"Aria! I love you so much! I would take a bullet for you." He said sadly.

"I would take a bullet for you too. " I said. Slowly lifting up my sleeve.

He gasped and we both broke down. He was sobbing at how deep the cuts were. I fell into his arms.

"I just want to die Ezra! My life is falling apart again. My parent divorce. Picking houses. Worrying about you and Maggie. Alison. I miss her every day. I miss her more than the girls do. She helped me more than anything." I sobbed.

"Aria you know you could have just talked to me. You didn't have to do this again." He replied.

"I know I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want you to find out." I said. But inside my head I was still thinking at least he won't find out about me purging again. That'll be my secret. No one else will know. Only me. I don't care if it kills me. I wouldn't mind if it killed me.

"I love you so much Aria." He said.

"I love you so much too Ezra." And that's how we fell asleep. With my thought of suicide and harming myself. And Ezra worried if he could trust her when she was alone.

_**HEY GUYS! It's me again! Okay I know Ezra found out a little too early. But don't worry. It will be a lot more dramatic. And a lot sadder. But I love Ezria so much! I started bawling when she broke up with him and the had the reenactment of season 1. That broke my heart.**_


End file.
